The Well

HE KNEW

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous –
and how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God!
They are innumerable!
I can't even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up in the morning,
you are still with me!
O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies take your name in vain.
O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn't I despise those who resist you?
Yes, I hate them with complete hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Psalm 139:13-24

Before I really allowed God to begin the process of restoration and healing in my life, this scripture annoyed me. Now, as I anticipate my birthday in four days (I turn 58), I realize that God was and is in control. He knew what it would take to break me, melt me, mold me, fill me, and use me. These are some specific things that I want to share about my life that God has taught me.

1. He placed me in my family of origin to show me that people who hurt – hurt others – unintentionally; they absolutely do not know any better.
2. He allowed me to be sexually abused so that I might understand others who have been and point them to Him for their healing.
3. He allowed me to grow up in a church where children of divorced parents were neglected so that I might better understand the pain of neglect.
4. He allowed me to grow up in a neighborhood of people who were genuine neighbors so that I would hunger for that same fellowship in the church and not just out of it.
5. He allowed me to rebel so that I might better understand rebellious people and the consequences of rebellion.
6. He allowed me the privilege of going through divorce so that I might better understand His heart and why He hates divorce too.
7. He provided me with the gift of salvation so that I might know that I was not destined for hell because of my choices.
8. He gave me a beautiful, hearing-impaired, handicapped child so that I might better understand, up close and personal, how He feels when His children are laughed at and shunned.
9. He gave me a beautiful, intelligent, rebellious child so that I might better understand His frustration with me.
10. He gave me grandchildren to bring it all together.

Although I have failed Him in countless ways – He gave me hope.